ode to annah:

I decided I'd write this down. So that Annah can read it as often as she wants if she misses me. Not that she'll read the blog ever. Or that she'll miss me. (That was a lie. The latter.) Anyways, here goes.

A few weeks ago, I was pregnant. No, I didn't think I was pregnant, I knew I was pregnant. And I wasn't actually pregnant. As I said in the previous blog post, unless immaculate conception is a real deal, there is no possible way I could be pregnant. That said, I was pregnant. Here's what happened.

I was hanging out with my friends afeinbe2, alipman2, and mjane2 (get it? huh? huh?) and we were doing funny things. Annah was a dead fish and I reeled her in. I made Amy's hand have sex with my thumb (?). Amy told a story about a peen. [Side note: I just found out that peen is an actual thing.

peen (pn)
n.
The end of a hammerhead opposite the flat striking surface, often wedge-shaped or ball-shaped and used for chipping, indenting, and metalworking.
tr.v. peened, peen·ing, peens
To hammer, bend, or shape with a peen.

OK, back to the story.]

So, we're talking about peens and suddenly I'm convinced that I'm having sex. As in, there were no guys present, and I was fully clothed, but somehow, I was positive I was having sex. That's the end of that night. Oh, also, Amy had made a cake that was really big and I ate at least half of it, probably closer to 3/4. And I ate a bowl of chili, and some nachos, and broccoli and cheddar and... maybe something else? I don't remember. Point is, when Amy left at 1 am and Annah went to bed, I was very very full. I fell asleep on the couch.

Around 7 am I woke up and, still not quite sober, made my way into my bedroom. In my bedroom, I have a full length mirror that I walk by on my way to my bed.

To be continued...