"Special Skills: Ukulele, Knitting, Can look pregnant"

We left off with our protagonist, Kinzie, a not-very-sober gal, walking by the full length mirror in her room...

I walked by the mirror, glanced at myself, and continued on to my bed. Almost contently asleep, I opened my eyes with a realization. "I'm pregnant!" "liek omg lols, I'M PREGNANT." I promptly got back out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Sure enough, I was pregnant. No doubt about it, there was a baby in my belly. I stood sideways in the mirror. Yep. Still pregnant. Retrospectively, the weirdest thing about this situation was that I wasn't freaked out. I wasn't concerned about my future, any potential side effects, let alone the concern of how I got pregnant in the first place. Nope, I was just pregnant. All right!

So the next thing I did was try on all my clothes. Almost all of them. I might have missed a shirt or two. And I distinctly remember being in awe of the fact that all my clothes still fit. How versatile, I thought! Then I decided that being up so early and not sleeping much was not good for the baby. So I layed down in my bed, on my back with my belly protruding into the air.

"Oops, this is not good for the baby." Apparently I was in a bad position. So I gathered up all my pillows [note: I have a lot of pillows. A lot. As in, two body pillows, several Moshis, and a few weird bean-filled things... A lot.], and I surrounded myself with them. I lifted my belly and placed it delicately on the Moshi immediately to the right of me. "Good, this is good for the baby." I fell asleep.

I was, to say the least, very confused about the mound of pillows when I woke up. But then I remembered. "Oh yeah, I was pregnant."