ode to annah:

I decided I'd write this down. So that Annah can read it as often as she wants if she misses me. Not that she'll read the blog ever. Or that she'll miss me. (That was a lie. The latter.) Anyways, here goes.

A few weeks ago, I was pregnant. No, I didn't think I was pregnant, I knew I was pregnant. And I wasn't actually pregnant. As I said in the previous blog post, unless immaculate conception is a real deal, there is no possible way I could be pregnant. That said, I was pregnant. Here's what happened.

I was hanging out with my friends afeinbe2, alipman2, and mjane2 (get it? huh? huh?) and we were doing funny things. Annah was a dead fish and I reeled her in. I made Amy's hand have sex with my thumb (?). Amy told a story about a peen. [Side note: I just found out that peen is an actual thing.

peen (pn)
n.
The end of a hammerhead opposite the flat striking surface, often wedge-shaped or ball-shaped and used for chipping, indenting, and metalworking.
tr.v. peened, peen·ing, peens
To hammer, bend, or shape with a peen.

OK, back to the story.]

So, we're talking about peens and suddenly I'm convinced that I'm having sex. As in, there were no guys present, and I was fully clothed, but somehow, I was positive I was having sex. That's the end of that night. Oh, also, Amy had made a cake that was really big and I ate at least half of it, probably closer to 3/4. And I ate a bowl of chili, and some nachos, and broccoli and cheddar and... maybe something else? I don't remember. Point is, when Amy left at 1 am and Annah went to bed, I was very very full. I fell asleep on the couch.

Around 7 am I woke up and, still not quite sober, made my way into my bedroom. In my bedroom, I have a full length mirror that I walk by on my way to my bed.

To be continued...

Snot

I'm pretty good at Scrabulous. That's cool.

I have so much snot right now. It's gross. And gets in the way of my life.

A direct result of the snot, I have washed my hands approximately (no exaggeration, I think) 50 times today. That's extravagant, but I don't want to make germ filled lattes or get my roomie sick.

Speaking of ... coffee things, I made an excellent soy cap today and Todd complimented me. That's huge. FYI.

I'm actually putting my laundry away right now. It's pretty exciting. Good work. Also, I'm purging old clothes. It's an ongoing process but basically I have too many things and I'm sick of that. There are people more deserving of the stuff that I have and don't appreciate. So, yes.

I'm weirding Annah out with this whole obsession-with-being-pregnant-someday thing, but she knows that's a while away. Also, it's just weird when you actually think you're preggers albeit the absolute lack of possibility of that happening. Unless immaculate conception is an actual thing which ... I think it isn't? So, no worries. But it's still a weird thing. To be so calm about.

Hah. Lesbians.

i'm allowed to write a subject like that, right?

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

Winter break? Nope, wrong season.

SO HAPPY

Guys. My host family wrote me back. I'm so pleased. There's no new info, except my host mom retired. And they'll send photos soon. I'm so pleased! (:

Also:
look at this!

hey, asshats!!

hey guys.

remember the time freshman year when rio and danny had that scene in which danny used the phrase, "asshat," and i thought it was hilarious??

well, i'm BRINGING IT BACK!!!

anyway, i had a lovely evening last night.

i played some guitar and heard some guitar and touched someone's bod and listened to some music and drank some tea and wore someone else's clothes to bed.

i like this part of my year, despite the finals and shizz.

but writing these gws papers makes me feel like a smart pup, and turning them in makes me feel like a productive member of postmodern society vague-ville.

and studying for peter's final makes me want to punch him since i will probably earn an average grade in his class, despite my gushing knowledge in the field of live theatrical drama plays.

i also would like to start maybe a top moments of the semester. starting with these moments.

1. trying to find the cause of castlevetro's death and deciding upon shark attack
2. the night that kinzie said, "hey, come over and write that gws paper of yours, annah and i are studying, too," and i came over and you guys were actually drinking wine and making cookies and then i didn't go home until 2 in the morning.
3. the night that kinzie and i sat on the floor and loudly wondered why we didn't have boyfriends as she tried to manage her gas while i looked like a homeless, adolescent boy
4. the day that annah and i walked across the quad and i had to sit down in order to prevent the peeing of my pants and the male cheerleader flashed us his thigh
5. my most triumphant confession.

"amy, we need to talk."
"is this about tennessee williams?"
"no."
"is this about...your butt?"
"...yes."

Amy Lipman, everyone...

"I wish my body produced written words as much as it produces snot. Or urine."

Questioning the Father: From Darwin to Zola, Ibsen, Strindberg, and Hardy

When I typed in the beginnings of the word Question into the title, that's what showed up in my ... computer's memory or whatever. And who am I to deny God's will?

I've been real into God lately. Mostly as a joke. But I'm attempting not to be offensive about it because I don't mean it that way. I just think it's a funny thing, you know? Like, attributing things to God? Dunno.

Um, basically the reason I'm posting is to say "WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP CHECKING THIS EVERY FIVE MINUTES?!?" Because I know that no one else is posting. Because they're sitting right by me.

Pokeys!

winter break is approaching!!

hey, mo's.



here is what i plan to do over winter break:



1. go to israel
2. walk my dog
3. purchase the same book for bobbie and jeff lipman, and myself, so that we can have a nerdy family book club discussion
4. make them read the book
5. make them be in my club
6. see"darjeeling limited"
7. keep doing pilates, even though it will be by myself
8. play my guitar





and here are my goals for winter break!!



1. work on the play i started a few weeks ago
2. write more poems
3. read books that everyone references all the time that i've never read, such as "animal farm," or "lolita," or something by Nietzsche, and also "mein kampf."
4. write a song



jk on the mein kampf.

responding to the response

it was an ... experience.

lives

kinzie

i like those goals.


i am glad you are getting a new uni.

i am also going to make some, but now i have to go make my tea to go to class. and brush my teeth. and uuughgghhghghghhg i haaate being siiiick but at least my stomach doesn't hurt anymorrrre.

today, i am goingto also make some winter break goals!!!

xoxoxooxox to you botttthhhh

Winter Break Goals

-become good at playing my uki
-work out a lot
-make a lot of money
-see friends
-explore life (not as generic/cheesy as it sounds)
****go to c-street
****go to glbt club things
****research grad school
-learn italian
-work on french (somehow?)
-wear my uni(s)
****a new one is coming in the mail soon. shh!
-use capital letters someday. maybe.

ew. these are my profile status updates on facebook from last night.

Kinzie is DONE DONE DONE DONE (and tired). 8:04am

Kinzie is 8/10. 7:08am

Kinzie is 7/10. 6:16am

Kinzie is 6/10. 5:55am

Kinzie is oops i skipped 4. back to 5/10. 5:09am

Kinzie is 6/10. 5:05am

Kinzie is 5/10. 4:13am

Kinzie is 3/10. 3:16am

Kinzie is 2/10. 2:06am

Kinzie is 1/10. 1:14am





TIME TO GO TO CLASS!

spellcheck

HAHAHAHAHAHA

MSWord wants to turn Hrotsvit into Horseshit.

Wouldn't that be an interesting way to see if Ellen actually read the paper?

NyQuill at night

I think this is only my third ballnanzadotcom post and it is about NyQuill. The two experiences I have previously had with it have been rather disastrous.

1. Kinzie gave it to me before the freshman year holiday party and I had to go home early because I was so out of it. On the bright side, I think it made me drop into the character of Tom Mitchell in a whole new way.
2. Earlier this year where I actually took it at night and had the weirdest dreams ever and woke up more confused than I have ever been.
3. 10 minutes ago. Who knoooowwwwssss what will happen next. I am sitting here expecting to all of a sudden get totally tripped out as if I were on shroooooommmmmsss or something. But I know that's not going to happen because it's just NyQuill.

I LOVE CELLOOOOOOSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Some Things

1. There is a manboyman chewing tobacco at my table at Grainger, the library where I'm attempting to write my paper. He keeps spitting into a can and it makes a plop noise. NOT okay.

2. Charlie Lubeck, in response to my facebook message to the freshman about the Freshman Skit, reminded me that there is a new faculty member to make fun of: the one, the only Robert Ramirez. I hope someone can do his accent (or lack thereof?) really well. Ana has a dece imitation.

3. He just spit again. It's still not okay.

4. I had a good time on my date today. Maybe I'm not a lesbian? Or maybe.

EDIT
5. Aforementioned spitter just asked me if I have a graphing calculator on me. Which I don't. But that's such a normal question to ask 'round these parts. Kind of like asking if someone in Krannert has ... a Complete Works. Or a yoga mat. Or some feelings.

EDIT #2 (there might be a few of these tonight)
6. I just got a nice text from Frantz/Franz. He wants to give me a goodbye kiss before he leaves for England. Is that significant? As in, too significant? Hmmm... I will continue to ponder over the next few hours as I begin to write my paper. Papes.

7. Gerberga might have to be a common word in my vocabulary henceforth. That's the name of Hrotsvit's advisor/main nun lady. I think it's funny.

EDIT #3
8. Amy, I like your mix CDs. I have several (mine, mine, Annah's) and they are great focusing music. Well played. HAHAHA THAT WAS A PUN. Unintentional, too. I love paronomasia.

EDIT #4
9. Felicia Baude (?) is here. Yep.

10. SPIT SPIT SPIT.

i cry every day

-Today, I took the bus from Krannert to Illinois and Lincoln.
-I have a date with a French man today.
-Where's Guidos?

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long, and forget all we used to know, then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow

this is ridiculous.

i don't even know what to do.

i'm very happy; i'm making progress, on many different things.

quotable

"But... we're just friends, right? I mean, we're cool?"

Poetry

I just found a poem that I heard at Oberlin while I was there. And there's a definite shoutout to furry legs, so I'm a fan. Here it is! (:

There's an acne commercial right now.

I watched way too much
television today so
now I'm mushy-mush.

I have a lot to
say but I'm working in a
mere five hours. Poop.

I guess I'll find a
chance tomorrow to blog re:
vagina poems

and shaving legs. And
I'm having some thoughts. Weird ones.
That consume my brain.

More later, maybe.
Or maybe not. The world may
never know. Boo-yah.

I think I'll sleep now.
What if I left a haiku
unfinished?

wild packs of family dogs

many things

1. i am importing "the moon and antartica" by modest mouse into my itunes now. it's a cd i've wanted for a while. there is a track by them called "lives."

2. i cannot, absolutely cannot live at home this summer. i am sluggish here, and my mom tells me how to drive and then i am a brat even though i know she's just looking out for us.

3. i <3 pumpkin pie

3.5. i finally read "the perks of being a wallflower" after many people have recommended it to me over the years. and it made me sad but i'd also like to carry it around with me in my new beautiful purse that mrs. zerna made.

4. i am so nervous for this coffee i am supposedly going to have with this boy. i gave him my phone number, and he said he would call. if he doesn't, i'll feel stupid. if he does, i'll have no idea what to say to him. i haven't been on one of these things in a while, and i keep almost making up things to say in my head. what the hell am i supposed to say to him? i don't know what to say. i hope he talks a lot. i really, really hope he talks a lot. he seems a little shy. oh, and he is also very cute. he's very very cute. and tall, and laughed when i said i was going to be a dog dressed up as a person for halloween next year, which is how i found out that he seems like an someone i'd like to like, since he laughed at that. that's exactly how i guage boys/men/manboys/young men. i say weird things that i'd say to my friends that people advise me not to say in front of people i'm attracted to and see what they do. and also, if it happens, while it is happening, i don't want him to know how glad i am that it is happening, while it is happening, if it happens. the reason i am glad is because he seems very nice, and i didn't have to do anything at all to get him to find me and ask me, which seems too easy, and which seems just what i wanted to happen, after a year of getting involved with wishy-washy, half-assers who sort of like me but not really and who are incredibly complicated and scary. i mean, this is what is supposed to happen to people who get to know each other. and it happened. which i'm not used to. so basically i know this isn't a big deal but really i'm just scared that he'll sense the nervousness/happiness and get freaked out and think i'm a freak and then never call me again.

4. i miss you two.

i'm a little tips, but mean every word.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoooooo

p.s. tonight for dinner, we met my sister & co at this INCREDIBLE crepe place in chicago in andersonville, and they have dinner crepes and desssert crepes, and the crepe that i got had pineapple and pistachios and ricotta cheese and tomatoes and spinach in it and it was SOOOooooOOoooooOoOOOOO good and i wanted a dessert one but we had to rush off to this thing at the noble horse theatre which is right by steppenwolf, and it was "the nutcracker" on horseback and it was incredibly sketchy and weird and like Medieval Times for total creeps/this busload of Amish people who were in attendance. it was SO WEIRD AND I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL ALL OF YOU MO-FO'S ABOUT IT HAHAHHAHAHAHHAA.

thanks for continuing to associate yourselves with me.

i cannot express how much i mean it.

i mean, look at it for what it is, really. here's really what it is:

things that are wrong with me
by amy lipman

1. i am horrible
2. i eat a lot of chocolate all the time
3. i pee if i laugh too hard
4. i cry if i laugh too hard
5. once i think i cried and peed and then laughed at the same time because i'd slipped and fallen down my driveway while walking my dog and i had to pee really bad and then my snowpants stuck to the snow and ice and so i was kind of half sliding, half sticking down the driveway and crying because my butt hurt from falling and then i peed my pants and then i laughed

ok i really should stop typing now, bye

Wah Wahhhhhhh

Hello from Oberlin, Ohio, quaint town of approx. 8,000. Yes, that's right. 8,000. I pretty much met everyone who lives here already. In five minutes. I'm a social networker, that's what I am.

I have had an eventful couple of days. Two days ago, the Northwestern kiddies came to visit. We lifted up a car. We watched Illinois kick some NU butt. The Espresso on Windsor and Duncan didn't know what Yerba Mahte was and tried to steam the cold yerba which resulted in chunky green substance. Unacceptable. Curtis Orchard contained goats that tried to eat me and free samples which I consumed the entirety of (as in, pretzels with dip and I ate all the pretzels and all the dip). That night, I prostituted my body for drinks, kissed my friend's girlfriend to keep away the sexual predators, and talked in French with a sexay French man. Overall, a successful day, yes?

Yesterday, my dad and I talked about our feelings whilst driving to Chicago, I flew on a plane next to two of the most adorable kids ever. They were 7 year old twins. Ethan and Emma. Visiting their grandmother for Thanksgiving. Their Papa died in October. Their birthday is also in October. October 5th. They liked to punch each other and tell me about their favorite music video that they play on their iPod: "Shut up and ...." something. Emma kept singing "Shut up annnnnnnnnnnnnnd-- shut up annnnnnnnnnnd!" I never found out how the rest of the song went.

Upon arrival at Oberlin, I purchased face wash (which I couldn't bring on the plane with me because it was more than 3 oz.) and Cheez-its. I've hung out, met some people, and attended a Trans Awareness open mic/vigil. It was really great and I think I found my new favorite poem there. It's about vaginas and not shaving legs. I'm a fan. Then we got drunk. 3rd night in a row. I'm such a lush.

Today, I went for another meal at Max's co-op. It's the coolest thing ever. Basically, it's like a home-cooked dining hall. Students pay the flat rate for the semester and can go there at any time of day or night to eat food. For meals, people in the co-op are assigned to either cook or clean. I helped clean after today, because the meals are free for guests-- they just ask that you help clean for one of the times you eat. Different people do each meal, and there's such great variety, it's incredible. Max's co-op is vegetarian/vegan. Yesterday, we had squash lasagna and squash soup. Today, we had potato soup (vegan) in vegan bread bowls and vegan scones. Incredible. Last night, at 2 am, Max and I biked there and made omelets with scallions and cheddar cheese. And de-veganized some left over vegan pizza by melting mozzarella on top. Yum.

Anyways, today is Max's crazy class day, so I'm mostly chillin'. I think I'm gonna go to his choir practice at 4:30. Aaaaand then dinner, and then drink again? I don't think my body can handle all of this alchy. Maybe I'll rethink tonight's activities... Maybe I'll go on a date with Hrosvitha. I hear she writes some good plays.

uh uh uh uh

This morning I was backing out of the 705 Elm parking lot, tryin' to get to work and shiiiiiit (I know it's pathetic that I drive to work on Sundays. I feel bad about myself for it), and I see this car sitting in the lot with racing stripes on it.

That really pisses me off.

Get a job, owner of racing stripe car.

Now I'm about to dry my hair since I washed the Jimmy John's stank offa muhself, and I'm going to go to a cafe somewhere to drink coffee and formulate an informational report on Neanderthals.

Thanksgiving is coming. Time to see the Lipmans.

paranomasia

prepare. it's real bad.

"Tatiana Smirnova and Maria Muravieva made leaps and bounds in developing ballet as an art."


ew.

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- CHANGES

Thank you, David Bowie.

I'm not empty anymore. That is all.

Nature.

empty

I feel empty right now. Bob said that's a valid emotion that we feel a lot more than we realize. Obviously he's right because he is God. I don't feel like writing about this right now because I feel empty about it. Oh the irony. I'm not smiling right now even though I usually am when I find something ironic. I cried while I drove, singing, "Daddy's Son" from Ragtime. Oh, catharsis. Which Peter tried to spell with a K. WRONG.

Basically, I think you should go to this website. Because it's pretty great. I just wasted my time on the site for a bit. I'm going to the bathroom right now. Meh.

www.todolistblog.com

Scroll down a bunch because it's not interesting at first. Yep.

"our country is an adolescent boy."

Right you are, Annah Taryn. Right you are.

Today, the conversation between Annah and I between Dramaturgy and Oral Interp consisted of the state of ambiguity (A.K.A. the common state of spineless and shifty adolescent boys who grow up to run the country) in our country.

So many conversations go like this:

"Oh, hey, I forgot to bring that really, really important thing. I mean, I guess I could go back and get it, but like...I mean..."
"Oh, hey, no it's fine."
"Really? For serious?"
"Yeah, I mean, like...I guess it's fine. I know that you're trying to get into a different country, and you don't have your passport, but I mean...like...I guess it's sort of fine. Let me go check with my boss, hang on."
"Well where should I wait?"
"Ummm...back in your own country, I guess. Like...because...that's where you're from."
"Oh. But like...wouldn't it be ok if I just sort of came in?"

So, I mean...whatever.

And this state of noncommital opinions and dynamics in relationships and day-to-day interactions with other people lead us all to appologize for ourselves, and lead to failure to commit to or assert an opinion.

And my GWS professor told me not to be a wilted violet, so I have to listen to her. Because she's brilliant. And I want to be smart, too.

Perhaps I'm on my way. I really want to be so smart. And some people in Charleston, Illinois want me to come read my paper. Maybe there will even be people who like theatre there. But maybe not. Maybe I am the only person who entered this competition, maybe me and someone who doesn't speak English, and they will just give me five dollars and ask me to leave so they don't have to listen to why I think that Maria Irene Fornes should be in charge of the universe.

I wish I were in a rock and roll band.

People. Lives. Nature.

Several things:
1) I used to hate when I was alone for the night in my apartment. I always joked that it was my chance to be naked but really, I can't do that because there are perpetually creepy construction men outside and we don't have blinds everywhere. But now, I have begun to indulge in it. Not the nakey thing, but just the romanticism of being alone. I'm sitting in my room with the door open and just... being. It's kinda nice.
2) I should not be awake right now. I'm so sleep deprived that it's not even funny. And yet here I am... The last time I went to bed before midnight when I wasn't sick was ... definitely in high school. Maybe even before that. Even when I swam, jumping in the water at 5:30 am, I would stay up til 1. Unacceptable.
3) Unacceptable has been my fav. word of late. And I'm okay with that.
4) No more Mr. Nice Guy, Class of '09. Get ready for it. Mostly, this is referring to Studi09, my classmates who don't know the real me. A lot of other people know the real me, but they don't. Well, fuck you is what I have to say about that. Goodbye Cordelia, hello Goneril.

Then, the real reason for this post: Does it ever happen to you that you see a name/face and know you know a person but don't know why? The name "Brett Witt" popped up in my newsfeed. Recognition flickered the second I saw the name, and moreso when I saw the picture. I know this character. But how? This is terrible. I spent several minutes perusing his facebook profile in hopes of remembrance................. Nothing. And here's the worst part. I feel like maybe I know him because we dated at some point. Or went on a date? Or I was interested in dating him? I mean, he looks like someone I would have wanted to date... But I don't remember! I vaguely sense that I knew him in the context of Espresso-- did we meet there? Did we go there together? WHO IS THIS CHARACTER?

So, Annah and Amy, you peeps know me. Who is he and how do I know him? Photo documentation and facebook stalking available upon request. Just send an SASE to the Theatre Castle with your fingerprints included. I'm going a little crazy here.

Also, what kind of name is that? Brett Witt? Seriously, if your last name is Witt, don't name your kid Brett. Name him... Joseph. Or Samuel. Or Hugh. But not Brett. At least his name isn't Nit? Like, Nit-wit?

I'm going to bed.

I just remembered something Detroit Dunwood said in the elevator the other day during strike:

"My name is Detroit Dunwood and I am Done with this Wood."

Sexual? Hmmm? Hmmm? (He was talking about a flat.)

Great Generic Things

Lives
Nature
Butts dot com

"like, fire, and stuff."

MIMES.

i'll elaborate later

“One of the characteristics of our world is that it is sitting down. Corporeal Mime stands up. It enjoys representing the world, and all those who work with their body... To be in mime is to be a partisan, a partisan of movement in a world sitting down.”- Etienne Decroux.

not funny shit

I wish more people wanted to do things with their lives. Because I feel like a lot of people think they want to, but don't actually do anything about it. And even more people act like they want to, but aren't actually pro-active about it. And then there's me. And, like, two other people. Mayyyyybe three. But that's pushing it.

And that's how I feel about that.

I am a ballnanzadotcom failure

I really suck at this.
Whenever I have time to blog I have nothing to day.
Because I am so inarticulate.
But I am currently sweaty and cold since I am in my sports bra since I went running and now no one is home so I can walk around naaaaakkkkeeeyyy which I don't because there are windows everywhere.
And then I ate organic spagettios, which pretty much canceled out the running.
Wa wa.
I register for classes tomorrow! Woo hoo!

These are the ones I'm taking:
History of Theatre II (obv.)
Principles of Arts Management
Contemporary Theatrical Forms
Intro to African American Studies
Entrepreneurship and Self Promotion in the Arts
Practicum 100 (Armory)

Sounds like a sexy party all spring (break) long.

When it's actually spring break will we yell spring break so much? It might be inappropriate.

I am going to take a shower so I don't smell anymore.

Addictions

In high school, every paper I wrote had an alternate title. I thought of this because I was about to write, for the subject of this post:

Addictions
--or--
How I'm Avoiding All the Work I Have to Do

(another possibility)
--or--
How I Never Know Which Words to Capitalize in Titles

Anyways, the real point of this is to show off the efforts of two inspirations:
1) my recent addiction to the Facebook Application, Scrabulous. I love love love Scrabble and miss it and am involved in several concurrent Scrabble games with my high school friends and my crushes (not the same people-- in fact, if they were a Venn Diagram, there would be no intersection)
2) benroseandscan's most recent endeavors with stop motion filming

Here's my attempt. I'm a little proud.

My List

Amy inspired me. My dad always said that if you want something, you should write it down and then you'll get it. My family did that with my house. We lived in a kind of shitty rented house because we didn't want to buy a house again until we found the "house of our dreams." (Is "the house of ill repute" actually something or is that just a phrase that's randomly in my head?) Anyways, we made a list: big back yard, finished basement, circle pathway on the first floor so you can run around in it, master bedroom with bathroom, office space, etc. And then, within a year, we found that house. It's where my family lives now. Except I don't have a bedroom there anymore but that's another story...

So, my list. I've decided that my problem (my one and only, right? ha!) in life is that I keep settling. Especially when it comes to dating people. I will date someone who likes me because I'm flattered. I don't realize that at the time, of course, but deep down, that's what happens. And time and time again, I stop being interested in the whatever-it-is because I wasn't actually interested in the first place. WELL THAT'S ABOUT TO STOP. So there. Ballnanzadotcom.

My list:
-Funny: they need to get my sense of humor and I need to get their sense of humor
-Good dresser
-In good shape
-Someone who takes care of him or herself (i.e. doesn't drink too much, smoke too much [my two most recent ... things], isn't self-destuctive, mentally or physically, etc...)
-Smart: this is a funny one though; I'll elaborate on it later
-Interesting: I can't date someone who isn't passionate about something, like a hobby, or a sport, or their job, or something
-Attractive: I don't care if the world finds this person attractive. But I've gotta think he or she is a good looking person. Or I can't do it. Is that shallow? Maybe. But I think it's just human nature...
-Outgoing: I don't want to constantly worry about doing introductions, making sure someone I'm with is constantly entertained even if we're with new people. I want someone who is outgoing and can survive independently in a group of my friends.
-My friends have to like a person I'm going to date. I've tried to do that thing where I tell myself, "They just don't understand..." but seriously, my friends know me better than I know myself and... they're always right about people. Before I know.

As far as guys go, I also (and this is very very very high on my list) need someone who is taller than 6' and dark haired.

With regards to the smart thing: I need someone who will get the nerdy side of me and who will have a nerdy side. But I also need someone who is street smart. Someone who will initiate conversation, physical contact, ideas for dates, etc. Something I've said before that I think applies nicely is the following:

I have a sweatshirt that has a calculus joke on the back of it. I think it's absolutely hilarious. And very few people I associate with on a regular basis get it when I explain it, let alone can figure it out on their own... So when someone does appreciate it, I'm pleased. However, the ideal guy for me would be a guy who would see it from afar, figure it out, get it, and think it was brilliant. Then, they would have the balls to come up to me and tell me that they liked my sweatshirt and ask me out based on looks and evident wit alone. This is my grand plan. And secretly when I wear my calc sweatshirt, I hope this fantasy is going to happen.

And I hope it won't be a creepy old man.

This Heart's On Fire

Lives. It's not only a vague compilation of autobiographies of people who nobody cares about, it's the title of a hilarious book that is so vague it makes me piss my pants.

The truth is that the actual events of all of our lives are going to eventually be blurred, not only by our own perspectives and the perspectives of others, but by the entirety of history, because there are billions of people out there who will never know of our existence, and we will never know of theirs, and there are things that their entire lives revolve around that are obsolete to the rest of the population. I think it's incredibly comforting that there are a billion people out there who I could love, who would understand me and I them, but our lives aren't big enough to hold all of them, and we only have so much time, and we have to focus on the important stuff that notifies us that we are really, in fact alive.

Here are the things that do that for me:

1. Laughing so hard I have to sit down
2. My dear, absolutely dear, friends
3. Loud, loud music
4. Fierce dancing
5. A beautiful poem
6. My parents

And I'll find a person that I have to put on that list, and they'll have to be on that list or else it would be lying. But I haven't found that person yet.

Which is what makes this following situation ok.

There's this guy who I like for no reason, and he has every reason to like me, which he's listed to me over and over again, but he doesn't like me. I just don't do it for him, and he doesn't do it for me. So we're not together. And he told me all that, but wouldn't say that it was final, and wouldn't say that we're not going to be together, because he didn't want to completely end this confusing thing we've had going. But I did, and so I made him admit it throughout his unsure- stuttering-head-shaking-repeated use of the phrase, "I don't know,"-speech.

And it's fine.

I want someone who will do the unexpected things for me that I'd do for them, and mean it over and over and over again, and I'd mean each single one, too. I've started doing things instead of thinking about how great it would be if I do them, and I am the kind of person who will write notes on Jimmy John's paper and leave them on your car, and I'm the kind of person who will walk over really late at night and kiss you in the hallway when everyone else is asleep.

I want someone whose brain I absolutely love.

And I want someone that I can lie in bed with and listen to music with and take over the world with, even though I'll never see most of it. Because the people who have overtaken my former world of insecurity and loneliness and uncertain slowness into something sure and bright and fast are the ones who make me remember who I am and what I want. Thanks, guys.

Funny shit:

"Lives"
Ending sentences with, "an epic poem by," or "a play by"
Feeling as if we are in absurdist plays
Mistaking someone you don't know for someone you do know
Returning the wave of a person who is actually waving at someone else and then feeling unpopular, and then laughing because of it, and looking weird
My dad's voice messages
Adam Shalzi's blue and white man costume

BLDs dot com

Last night, my goal was to party it up like a freshman. And, if I may say so myself, I was fairly successful in that endeavor.

My various tactics included:
-drinking a bit too much
-kissing a bit too much
-staying in character the entire night as jtlake





Results of these tactics:
-BLDs*
-BLDs
-getting into a really intense fight with someone dressed up as Britney

Overall, I'd say it was a fairly successful night. Definitely a successful party, albeit the presence of the coppers half-way through. But it happens... As do BLDs. I've decided that every now and then, it's important to incorporate a BLD or two into one's life. Maybe not as many as I squeezed in last night, but like I said, it happens.

Plus, as I was indulging, pre-party, I thought about our motto for this year: No Regrets '07!

*Bad Life Decisions

Unfortunate Jobs That People Have

Today, I was sitting in a chair in my apartment, doing some homework. Then, there was a knock on the door. I thought maybe I'd won some money, or a cat. But it was a girl who wanted me to give her money in exchange for a fun-sized Snickers bar and the knowledge that I'd done a good deed for some underpriviledged hooligans in the Champaign-Urbana area. I gave her a dollar. I felt weird not giving her a dollar. But I also wanted that dollar.

Then I started thinking about other things that people have to do to give them money for charitable things, and how most people don't give them anything. I think they need to take a new approach to it. Like, maybe show up with a boombox with some rap music and a B-List Celebrity, and one of those white tigers from the Siegfried and Roy act in Las Vegas.

Then I started thinking about how it sucks to try to get people to give you a break, and about jobs that I hope I never have. I hope I am never a person who administers parking tickets, or someone who cleans the bathroom at the gas station, or someone who issues new i-Cards at the STUPID UNION BOOKSTORE.

I LOST MY I-CARD AND THEY WON'T GIVE ME A NEW ONE UNLESS I GIVE THEM TWENTY DOLLARS. IT'S IN MY ROOM. I KNOW IT'S IN THERE, MY ROOM IS VERY SMALL, BUT I CANNOT FIND IT, AND I REFUSE TO BUY A NEW ONE BECAUSE I PLAN ON SPENDING MY TWENTY DOLLARS ON OTHER THINGS, LIKE CANDY OR BOOZE.

Bye!!

ballnanzadot com dot com dot com is taking over the world

You think I'm lying. I'm not. THE WORLD, I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to Kinzie.

It is cold outside. But a nice kind of cold.

i'm an old fart!

Annah is great. She made me a Barbie cake and arranged a mini surprise party for me right at midnight and it was grand. We discussed butts with Adam. Then we recorded some videos. This is the result.



(oh, and please forgive my primitive editing skillz... yes.)

Joint entry: love kinzie and annah

Annah's starting:

My dog had a hernia that once exploded. He licked off the juice (orange and mango flavored juice) that had an avocado hue to it. Throughout his life, the dog named Hymen always licked the vaginas and balls [Annah did 3 words in a row. What a bitch.]

THE END.

We are on crack except not. Love Hymen the dog and the grandpa.

Annah's grandpa was named Hymen. Maybe it wasn't spelled like that. I dunno. I'm just a-typin' away on these here keys. Yep.

This is my last entry as a teenager. Unless I post again in the next 21 minutes. Which is doubtful.

LOVE, US.

Are you ready for this? Do do do do do do do do do d od dodoodododisfjaisdjfi

Omg Mahomet.

Metamorphoses

I just got back from watching Metamorphoses. And in about two seconds I'm gonna go plop down in front of the television to watch the rest of the football game. Then I'm going to be lame and go to bed because I'm working at 6 am tomorrow and I don't have time to get sick. But first:

The show really made me appreciative of two things: discovering physicality of a character and the amount you can do with visual effects. I realized that some of my favorite performances were the result of people diving (ha! -- get it? because of the water?) into their character completely. Each actor had many different personalities to portray and the people who found different physicalities and vocal choices for each one were by far the most enjoyable to watch. Something to consider, since that's what we're talking a lot about in our acting class: the idea of figuring out where our character moves from, how they would sit, how they would lean forward. Basic concepts, I suppose, but they can make a huge difference in a performance.

Also, I love love LOVED the projections during most of the show. A few were distracting on occasion, but mostly they contributed to the atmosphere. One of my favorite moments was when Eleni and Justin were silhouetted by the ocean scape. Beautiful.

okbye.

Funny shiiiiiit

12. Hrosvitha

Ariosto = R.E.O. Speedwagon?

Amy: Alien abduction.
Annah: What?
Kinzie: Alien abduction.
Annah: Liposuction?
Amy: Alien abduction.
Kinzie: Shark attacks.

“PEOPLE NEED TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT. A paper by Annah Feinberg.” --annah.feinberg

"So it was like Unicorns Gone Wild?" -- alipman2

TODAY IS FRIDAY

I'm having a very nice time here in Urbana-Champaign, but as I'm looking through this Chicago Tribune that I usually take from Allen Hall, I am more and more excited to live in Chicago.

Even though when we're all living in Chicago, maybe we'll be remembering good times in Urbana.

I have to pee, now.

Annah have fun at Paradise Lost. We will miss you!!

More Funny Shit

8. SHARK ATTACKS
9. Danville
10. Mahomet
11. Rapping on the way home from Sunday Dinner
a. **** ******'s butt
b. high fastening pants
c. comfortable saturday pants
d. scully's fish n' chips

el jay

Alrighty, it's my turn... My past entries mostly reside in the 2003 time (sophomore year of high school).

Here's my first entry. Ever. January 8, 2003. I will point out that the "person" or "certain people" I'm referring to is the boy who was my first kiss and long distance boyfriend of 9 months, Zack Phillips. He was from Pinkneyville, IL. That's near Centralia.

wow... i have succumbed to live journal stuff... i never thought i'd see the day. :) oh well... i have a chem final to study for, so i'm afraid this entry's not gonna be long, but, wow. i have so much to say. i want to talk about everything! like, people, adn theatre fest, which starts tomorrow, and i'm SO excited about! i'm taking such great classes! and i'm going to see a bunch of my camp friends! (well, 3, but still...) and i'm going to se awesoem shows! and i'm taking tons of cool classes.

i wish *certain people* could live close to here, and not 3 hours away. :( i want all my friends to live in chambana and go to uni with me... but, as i said in a french excercise with emily today, "le monde n'est pas juste" so i guess i'm just gonna have to deal with not seeing my friend for a while, and live with talking to him on the phone and on email. i dunno...

i also wish i didn't have a chem final tomorrow! grrrrrrrrrrrr... i have to go now... but i can see what emily means about this being addictive... :) a good way to procrastinate and not do homework... haha! hey, but i already did my fc and my english hw. i just have to edit my math paper (how stupid) and do my french (not like i'm going to actually do it, but...) and lots of other stupid insignificant stuff, when i could be talking to people online or on the phone or having fun reading my book, a tree grows in brooklyn. or doing anything else... :( oh well... back to the books.

____________________


Here's my follow-up entry to Theatre Fest. January 15, 2003. Yes.

i keep meaning to write about theatre fest, but i just dont have time. one story i HAVE to tell: i met this guy whose name tag said "SEXY" on it, so i was like (incredibly joking, of course) "hey sexy" and he's like, "i know i am, aren't i?" and then he succeeded to ask me if i wanted gummy worms. now, not wanting to be rude, but also realizing that i'm a vegetarian, i decided to say, "no thanks" as if i was saying no to drugs or something. and then he's like "ok. i guess its too early for gummy worms, huh?" and so i said "yeah. that's it." and then we parted ways. hte strange part was that two more times that day, the "sexy" guy came up to me and asked me again if i wanted gummy worms. strange people, those theatre people. and yet I LOVE THEM! it's so weird. i thrive in that kind of an environment. go figure...

i'm so excited! zack might come down--er... up, for the winter formal!!! yay! i can't wait to see him again! lol... :-D

i'm also very happy, because we're doing bye bye birdie at my school! i'm looking forward to it, because there are a lot of small parts, which, as a sophomore, and not an all mighty upper classman, i can look forward to. :) and the guys fit perfectly too, which is a first (i'm assumming) at uni... :)

Current Mood: excited, happy, & overwhelmed
Current Music: the sweet singing of paige martin during her voice lesson"

____________________


January 19, 2003:

Hello everybody! I just downloaded the thing to type in the live journal entries. Before, I was typing in the web thing, and posting from there. Fun stuff, huh? Notice how I'm actually using caps now? I've decided to try this, just to work on being more "professional" or something. Who knows? I just felt random. We'll see how long this weird mood lasts. Lol.

Here's an excerpt from a description of a day at work at the catering company I worked at:
THere are some real sluts working there. Two girls separately warned me about each other. Carolyn comes up to me and says "Kinzie, watch out for Danielle. She really sleeps around the catering company." And then Danielle comes up to me adn says, "Kinzie, stay away from Carolyn. She's a real bitch adn talks about everyone behind their backs. I saw her taking you under her wing and I was worried she had already poisoned you." And I was like, (thinking to myself, of course) "damn! I smell bitch!" (which is somethign a friend of mine says ALL THE TIME. Oh well. The guys were all so nice tho! I really liked them (don't worry, not like that; they were just really nice and accepting, and hm... not bitchy (?)). There is this guy named Sam who started right off the bat treating me exactly the same way he treated everyone else. Like, the first time I ever met him, he kicked me. Lol. Fun stuff.

This is enough for tonight. BallnanzaDOTcom.

What?

I'm not done yet.

Has anyone noticed that the Nagler readings for 461 suck?

Everybody, please note page 94. This is important.

Chapter XXXIV: How to Make Dolphins and Other Sea Monsters Appear to Spout Water While Swimming

And also note the ghastly picture drawn below.

Page 99, don't forget

Chapter XLIII: How to Make a Cloud Descend Perpendicularly with Persons in It

And also

Chapter XLV: How to Make a Cloud Descend So That It Will Gradually Move from the Extreme End of the Stage to the Middle of the Stage, a Cloud, Moreover, with Persons in It

Nagler has made a bold choise in capitalizing the "I" in "It". He's so affected.

Funny Shit

There are some things that will always be funny.

I welcome everyone to add to the list.

Here are a few things that get me every time.

1. Animals dressed as other animals
2. When a vehicle that is supposed to drive on the street drives through the interior of a building and people don't know what to do with themselves, and it messes up the flow of walking, and whether or not they can cross in front of it.
3. Tripping
4. Making jokes that nobody laughs at
5. Writing "butts" on a chalkboard in a classroom and not telling anyone it was you, or telling people it was you.
6. Throwing things that don't need to be thrown
7. Yelling things that don't need to be yelled

I used to want to be a musical theatre STAR

I just discovered my old Xanga, which was the same thing as a live journal, I think. It features an Al Hirshfield cartoon of Sunday in the Park with George. Which it would.

I have a few entries I would like to share:

May 24, 2004: "Most em-BARE-ASS-ing thing ever: (I love those puns). So, for those of you who don't know, I play a stripper in one of the songs for our musical theatre show. So the night before the show, Susan decides that my skirt isn't "strippery" enough, so she cuts it a lot shorter with shreddy things. Since it was the night before the show, I didn't get a chance to run the number with the new subtraction of the skirt. So, when I bend over to play the trumpet between my legs, apparently the entire audience (except for my mom who was in the back row) got a nice glimpse of my ass. I mean, I had a leotard on, but there is a large possibility that it was riding up a bit since it doens't really fit me. I didn't find this out until AFTER the show. It's so embarassing. So, Susan said she's going to fix the skirt and I'm going to wear my own leotard for the next show. I apoligize for any of you who unfortunately saw that."

May 11, 2004: "My mom though "Send in the Clowns" was from Cats. I think I'm going to cry."

And here's one of those quiz things (April 13th, 2004):

- last time you cried: during west side story at the marriot
- things in your past that you regret: not getting more involved in stuff my freshman year
- what's in your cd player: the anyone can whistle origional cast album
- what color socks are you wearing: my feet are naked and my toenails are red
-what's under your bed: some pictures of naked people the scott yakescan drew on my bed
- what time did you wake up today: 5:45
- current longing: to quote erin hickey "to be with someone..."
- current favorite music: showtunes of course
- favorite coffee: tea
- favorite smell: men's cologne
- what makes you mad: when people don't think realistically- are currently in love: not really
- any bad habits: i get way too enthusiatic sometimes
- do you find it hard to trust people: kind of
- any secret crushes: maybe...
- believe there is life on other planets: yes
- have any tattoos: i kind of want to get a tiny one sometime. but i don't know what it would be of. leave me suggestions
- favorite way to waste time: there is no such thing as wasting time

April 12, 2004: Well, this weekend was great. My cousin and I drove down to U of I (not the most exciting drive, but whatever). I had a meeting with the director of the undergraduate theatre department. He was really nice and I love the program. I really want to go there. Their theatre building is amazing and there are so many oppertunities for student directed work. Except only 6 people get accepted into the Theatre Studies program each year out of like 30. So I'll cross my fingers. Friday night I went out to dinner with Brian and Greg and then went Indian dancing with Greg and his quite out-there friends. It was so much fun! I'm still sore from it. We did Indian dances straight from like 8-12:30 and we could barely walk afterwards. One Saturday I went to a tennis match with my cousin. Then we went to lunch and I ran into Alex Davis, Hilary Holland and a bunch of people so I ate with them and then did some AP Biology homework. Then I went to a chocolate cafe place with them which was really good but then we went to Gavin's discusting frat house. Then I went and saw a student directed production of "Last 5 Years" with Brian, which was actually pretty good. Then we went to Brian's dorm and watched "Office Space" with one of his friends. Then Sunday we went home. I really liked the school. The only thing I didn't like was that there are so many bars and there is so much emphesis on drinking. But at such a big school I don't think it would be too hard to find people who aren't really into that. I'm going to bed.

March 29, 2004: Mmmmmm....Spring Break.

Wow, things have changed...

I Fell Asleep and Scared Mr. Kurash

I deleted that last post and decided to keep a record of it in my old livejournal that has been inactive for years now. This, of course, led me to rereading the posts I had from Sophomore year of high school (when I first started the LJ). It made me laugh. And cry at my 15 year old self... This is an excerpt from a list of 8 things that were making me happy at that one time:

"6. I'M GROWING UP!!!
i'm so proud of myself... i'm a big girl now! i am so proud of moi-meme... --er, myself... oops! i'm still kinda in the french mode. i was trying to write stuff in french earlier... :) note the word *trying*! but, seriously, as immature as i still may seem, i feel like i'm maturing SLOWLY. like, i'm able to have conversations with people with out them sounding like they're talking to a little kid. like, a friend of my mom's swears in front of me now, whereas before they would be like "what the FU-- dge..." kinda things... and now he's just like, "*sniff sniff* hm... i smell bitch." <--isnt' that a good one? i like it... it makes me happy..."

I can't emotionally handle that. Annah and I often talk about how weird it is that we're living together for our third year now and how different we are from our freshman selves. There were things we used to make such huge deals about. Like how we wrote out our daily schedules to the minute on our dry erase boards. "7:30 -- Wake up; 7:35 -- Shower; 7:45 -- Get dressed......" Well, I think there's no clearer example of my own personal growth than comparing myself to the blog entry I wrote on March 16th, 2003. Jeez Lousie.

This brings me to my next point. Annah and I, in discussion this evening, decided that we should have themed blog posts. And we decided our first theme is "Looking Back: Old Diary Entries/Blog Posts." So, let's get started, ladies... (:

Making Friends Everywhere We Go

Yesterday, Amy was laughing so hard that she was maybe going to pee her pants. So she sat down. On the quad. Then, the cheer leading squad, who were practicing on the grass, all turned and looked at her because they thought she had fallen. In sympathy, one of the male cheer leaders flashed us the upper part of his thigh to reveal an elephantine bruise. I told him to feel better and Amy told him that she would send him a get well card but she didn't have his name or address.

Then we went to eat pumpkin ice cream (we made friends with the ice cream man).

Then I told this man that we know about getting carried away.

And today I was going to go buy some more chapstick because I'm almost out but it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella so I didn't.

-Annah

Sup

The tone for this blog has been set to smarter than I am, since you used the word "shan't," and I would've typed "shain't".

Dee deedle dee dee deeeeee... Three ladies.

I received a voicemail at 11:25 am today from the one and only A. Lipman today in which she said,

"Hey, um, OK, so this morning, I was thinking, what if you and me and Annah started our own blog and it was called "Ballnanza" and it was like Ben and Marty's but like, better, and like, not everyone really had to see it but like, we could do funny things. OKbye. Hehhhhh."

From this one voicemail and an ensuing conversation, we have the birth of this blog. I don't know that our blog will remotely compare in style and function to Marty and Ben's so I'm not going to claim superiority, but I do think this blog could have potential? We shall see, shan't we?

I'll leave you with one thought from L. Dix:
"It's gonna be a full-fledged ghetto beatdown."